If sex bonds two people, then sexual pleasure without a partner will still powerfully bond you, but the bonding will be to whatever sights and thoughts are present at the time. For some people, the bonding will be to the sight of their own body. If so, it will be this – and possibly the sight of their own gender – that will begin to dominate their passions.
Likewise, looking at yourself in the mirror the wrong way is bound to turn you homo. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “damn, I look sexy,” you have already begun the transformation. You have been warned!
It gets better:
Then there are those who try to convince themselves they are being godly by masturbating while focusing on spiritual things. If Jesus walked this planet today, would you try to have sex with him? Sexual bonding is exclusively for a husband and wife. Anything else is a perversion. Sexual bonding must not be used to join a person to a relative or a friend or an animal or an object or to the Holy Lord.
And I thought my mind was in the gutter. I can honestly say that I have never, ever fantasized about taking Jesus to bed. Ever.
April 13th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Heh, yes, yes I would just because it was Jesus. I’d also video the act and sell it on the internet to piss all the fun-duh-mentalists off as much as possible.
April 13th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
The last thing I want to think about while I’m masturbating is Jesus. Or my dad looking up at me from Hell.
April 13th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Lol.. If that was true I’d be uber christian by now o.O I don’t eve believe in god..
April 13th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
I remember when I saw the “Jesus” TV movie with Jeremy Sisto as Jesus. Talk about impure thoughts. It was a bit unsettling.
April 13th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
I misread.. If i had to be thinking about him… I wouldn’t be christian at all.. And I’m not gay yet either o.O
April 13th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
[insert second coming joke here]
April 14th, 2007 at 12:48 am
It’s hard not to think of him and his dad Santa Claus since their always watching.
April 14th, 2007 at 7:22 am
LOL…. this is hilarious. I’m honored to have lost yesterday’s Battle of the Blogs to you. Fucking hilarious. (as is Billy’s comment above)
April 14th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
[…] 2) Equine Shine had a lovely and informative post that lead me to this fundie nutter’s site. The fundie jerk off rambles about how if he jerks off thinking about spiritual things, he risks finding Jesus sexually attractive. It’s quite funny, especially since the guy isn’t trying to be. […]